2011/1/27

  Can't stay up one more day. The more I stay up the more chance I will have with liver and kidney problems. haha that is the only thing stopping me from staying up today. I have no urge for things these days, food, sleep, fun, nothing. I just want to be alone, all alone, maybe on a beach, but still all alone. These days some questions popped into my mind, some annoying questions that will not leave my brain. I realize, life is tough, and life will never go as well as you think it should. Life will never keep giving you cakes and pies, instead they will give you breath taking sewage water with rotten mexican food that has been sitting out for four five days. Life, so great, yet so annoying at times. This makes me start wondering, what will I be when I grow up. Do I really want to throw my head into the big money game like my dad? What are my interests and what will make me happy? I have no idea, but when it comes to occupations, I first consider the money I get paid for first. The business game is too violent and vulgar for me. I feel as if all the stories my dad told me were like some really bad Taiwanese Tv show. I don't want to wake up everyday and wonder if the stock points dropped today or not. I want to wake up, loving my life, and loving what I do. Coming to this school made me realize, people should be choosing interest over money. This is one of the most important thing I have yet learned from Ms. Pamela. It makes sense, if I love what I do, I will be good at it. The thing is, all the things I love will not able to do it as a long term stable job. Selling cars? I don't want to live in Brooklyn for the rest of my life. Skateboarding? I don't want a job that will end when I reach my forties. So I am officially out of ideas. I think when it comes to occupations, being a psychologist and a lawyer comes closest to my interests. I love learning how to human brain thinks, this tough time I am going through right now, makes me feel like if I were a psychologist, I could cure myself. I want to get paid thousands of dollars for talking to a patient about their losses and fears. I am interested in what other people are facing in their life. Being a lawyer just brings up the side of the that loves arguing. If I love it, why not get paid for it right? I think being a lawyer could make me turn against my beliefs sometimes. Even if I know it was wrong, but I was getting paid alot to do it, I would be stuck and wouldn't know what to do. Whether money was more important or the society morals everyone keeps telling me about. I think I will end up being one of those two, and believe me, I will be good at it.