2011/1/19

   Well what a day. Nothing really happened in school today. I went out with a bunch of friends for dinner and I have got to say it was pretty fun. It had been a long time since the last time I saw Dennis. The ten of us just went to dinner in a Thai restaurant and chatted for a long time. I just got back in fact. There has been nothing in my life but drama these days. I hope I can get what I want out of this. If I don't get what I want, I will be depressed for the next three years and I am not kidding about this. This situation has never occured to me in my life. In my previous social life in Shanghai, everyone just kind of handed things to me. Now for what I want, I have to earn it. If you ask anyone in the school how hard I work for it, they would be telling you just how much I want to get what I want out of this. I am so tired,  since Sunday I have been in a super depressed mood, everytime I think about what could happen, a little bit of myself on the inside dies. This is why people kill themselves over things like this, it simply hurts too much. I can't stand my life if I do not actually get what I want. You would think"Oh you're just fourteen years old, you haven't met half the people in your life yet" well guess what? I know no one will be just as special as that person is. I have never imagined my life with out that person. When I first met that person, I knew that person was someone very special, and I can actually tell. Don't think just because I am fourteen and I don't know what I am talking about. I think you're wrong and you're wrong big time. If I have a time machine, I would fast forward my life. No not even fast forward my life, Just make myself 3 years older where I should belong. I hope god would see the correct side of this and let me get what I want. I have never wanted something this much. Never. I just simply can't live with out that person.  Goodnight