2011/1/27

  Can't stay up one more day. The more I stay up the more chance I will have with liver and kidney problems. haha that is the only thing stopping me from staying up today. I have no urge for things these days, food, sleep, fun, nothing. I just want to be alone, all alone, maybe on a beach, but still all alone. These days some questions popped into my mind, some annoying questions that will not leave my brain. I realize, life is tough, and life will never go as well as you think it should. Life will never keep giving you cakes and pies, instead they will give you breath taking sewage water with rotten mexican food that has been sitting out for four five days. Life, so great, yet so annoying at times. This makes me start wondering, what will I be when I grow up. Do I really want to throw my head into the big money game like my dad? What are my interests and what will make me happy? I have no idea, but when it comes to occupations, I first consider the money I get paid for first. The business game is too violent and vulgar for me. I feel as if all the stories my dad told me were like some really bad Taiwanese Tv show. I don't want to wake up everyday and wonder if the stock points dropped today or not. I want to wake up, loving my life, and loving what I do. Coming to this school made me realize, people should be choosing interest over money. This is one of the most important thing I have yet learned from Ms. Pamela. It makes sense, if I love what I do, I will be good at it. The thing is, all the things I love will not able to do it as a long term stable job. Selling cars? I don't want to live in Brooklyn for the rest of my life. Skateboarding? I don't want a job that will end when I reach my forties. So I am officially out of ideas. I think when it comes to occupations, being a psychologist and a lawyer comes closest to my interests. I love learning how to human brain thinks, this tough time I am going through right now, makes me feel like if I were a psychologist, I could cure myself. I want to get paid thousands of dollars for talking to a patient about their losses and fears. I am interested in what other people are facing in their life. Being a lawyer just brings up the side of the that loves arguing. If I love it, why not get paid for it right? I think being a lawyer could make me turn against my beliefs sometimes. Even if I know it was wrong, but I was getting paid alot to do it, I would be stuck and wouldn't know what to do. Whether money was more important or the society morals everyone keeps telling me about. I think I will end up being one of those two, and believe me, I will be good at it.

2011/1/26

 Well what a night. After a long night of staying up again, i feel drained out. Drained out as in my soul just fled my body leaving the outer core do all the job. I hate myself sometimes. Why did I ever do all those things for her to leave. I have been thinking, what if I was different, I wouldn't be doing this right now if I was a bit different. God, It would be nice to show us some heads up before you destroy our lives. I hate this. I hate this so much. I don't even know how I am going to deal about this for the next seven months. I really really hope sometimes, things would go back, and if I could fix that crucial point of my life, I would do whatever it takes, believe it or not, literally whatever, to fix it. I have to go to school now, no sleep, 24 hours, I have been up. Thinking about you.

2011/1/25

  I don't know what has gotten into me, I have been missing two journal entries in two days, so I've decided to pay more attention and do it right when I get home. Oh jeez what a long day. I think my life officially sucks without Vicki. I'm doing things I used to do before, but honestly, I don't enjoy it as much as I did before. Well what can I say, a guy without a doll is nothing. Today was a productive day, I completed many assignments and most of all, our English video was done. Wait to be blown out of your mind, because this time, the editing quality, Tony has decided to take it up a notch and do some things we've never tried in our life with filming. I think this time's editing would be very nice, and plus Tony was a splendid director, he did even a better job than I did for Harrison and Burgeron. The past week and a half has got me thinking, what is love? This question has always sounded cheasy and stupid, but I really want to know, what is love? Love can take your head out of your lousy week, but love can also kick you down to your lowest. Love can make you confused, love can make you do things you swore you would never do. What is love? What is this magical feeling we feel for someone? Why do we feel this way about certain people? I know it is pathetic of me writing all these especially when she is not that upset about this now. But love, you once brought me happiness, you once brought my smiles, but now you have slapped me across the face and told me to wake up. I hate you love, I hate you. Why do I need you to make me better??  Oh who am I kidding, love is the greatest thing in the world. 

2011/1/20 VB

  Wow, i staied up all night long. The only reason is because I am still kind of shocked at the fact that I didn't get what I wanted. The blog post I typed last night, yeah, I didn't get what I wanted. I was torn apart, I was devastated. You know what people say, love hurts, and that is true I have to tell you. Sometimes I wish I was just dreaming, so that I can get myself out of this relationship tornado that originated a while back. I hate myself sometimes. I always wonder if it is my fault to cause this. I always wonder what could I have done to prevent it. The answer is, everything. I guess this was all my fault, changing too much, and I guess she changed into a person hating whatever I changed into for her in the first place. It was a very contradicting thing. Sometimes I think, what is love, what is this magical feeling that makes us feel good, or makes us feel sad. Love, what a wonderful thing, I guess I lost mine, and I will find her back a few years later. Time and distance kills, but you know what, I know if we leave off on good terms like this, it may hurt at first breaking up like this, but I know if we leave on such good terms, she will be hoping to come back to me. Well I am still wearing the ring I gave her. I will until I find someone more special. And if your reading this, I will be waiting for you, like we said, three years later where everything could be better. I love you, I miss you. <B

2011/1/19

   Well what a day. Nothing really happened in school today. I went out with a bunch of friends for dinner and I have got to say it was pretty fun. It had been a long time since the last time I saw Dennis. The ten of us just went to dinner in a Thai restaurant and chatted for a long time. I just got back in fact. There has been nothing in my life but drama these days. I hope I can get what I want out of this. If I don't get what I want, I will be depressed for the next three years and I am not kidding about this. This situation has never occured to me in my life. In my previous social life in Shanghai, everyone just kind of handed things to me. Now for what I want, I have to earn it. If you ask anyone in the school how hard I work for it, they would be telling you just how much I want to get what I want out of this. I am so tired,  since Sunday I have been in a super depressed mood, everytime I think about what could happen, a little bit of myself on the inside dies. This is why people kill themselves over things like this, it simply hurts too much. I can't stand my life if I do not actually get what I want. You would think"Oh you're just fourteen years old, you haven't met half the people in your life yet" well guess what? I know no one will be just as special as that person is. I have never imagined my life with out that person. When I first met that person, I knew that person was someone very special, and I can actually tell. Don't think just because I am fourteen and I don't know what I am talking about. I think you're wrong and you're wrong big time. If I have a time machine, I would fast forward my life. No not even fast forward my life, Just make myself 3 years older where I should belong. I hope god would see the correct side of this and let me get what I want. I have never wanted something this much. Never. I just simply can't live with out that person.  Goodnight

2011/1/18

  Well what a lousy week. Nothing seems to be going right. Whenever I detect that something would finally be better, it slams my excitement and happiness down like a mosquito getting whacked by a mosquito net. I seriously, seriously hope everything would be over soon, I can't take this much longer. This will  make me so stressed, I would probably start losing my hair. I am not kidding, This is how stressed I am. Sometimes I wonder, why can't things work perfectly in life. I always think back to a few years ago and think, What have I done that is so bad that it is making me get what I am getting today. There are no such thing as a perfect situation. When you have an apple covered in caramel, the caramel could be too sticky, or anything that is messing up your "perfect situation". I know this does not sound like it makes any sense, but it does. When you meet a friend, they could have a very close personality to you, but there will always be things that screws it up. When you get your dream job, at your dream executive firm, you could be thinking "wow what a perfect job", then one day, something would eventually hit you down from the top. This world does not make sense to me. This world does not at all. I wish I could sometimes just quit and stop living anymore, but I know that I would just be a coward backing off whenever I don't side step a rock in my way. People in life, would always face trouble. I know myself that I won't let myself give up and backing out, even in the worse situations. I will not back down. Goodnight

2011/117

  I really do love Vicki alot. I really genuinely do. She doesn't realize it, she sees it, she loves me just as much. I hope that this whole conflict would just die out soon. Nothing much, just die out, like a balloon popping. I hope she actually does realize how much love I am giving her. I don't in a million years would want this to end. She and I, we have something special going for. We are not like any ordinary couple. We are special. Even if the distance after she graduates will kill both of us. But I still know, after the three years, we will end up together again. I am pretty sure of it, I am certain of it. Don't call me naive and tell me this is not how love works, let me tell you.  This is how love works. When you want somethings to happen, it will happen. When you don't really have faith in it happening, then nothing would happen. You know why people do long distance, not because they are foolish, simply because they believe it would work and in the end, they both find out it worked. I think, to me love is something only needed to be celebrated by the two people. No third person involved. I think the third person in a relationship is a true butthole. They are messing with two people perfectly fine with each other. They are just the extra one.Not exactly in the best mood.  I am going to sleep. bye

2011/1/16

  Today I spent around 4500 nt on Vicki's gift. I hope she likes it. I know it is a big number, but I have been saving up for her so its okay. Sometimes I feel as if I don't get treated as well in this relationship, but I guess its okay, all because I love her. haha. I am sick, very sick by the way. I did not go to school on Friday and Thursday I have been in bed that whole time. I think life is a very tricky thing sometimes. Who am I? and What am I here for. Where do I go after I die? These are all very commonly asked questions and I am sure you are just clueless as me. I hope we go to some place nice, with no gunfire involved, perfect weather and no drama whatsoever in our lives when we die. I hope before I die, I can live a fulfilling life that is filled with enriching events and meet interesting people along the way. I think living a fruitful life just means that I died doing what I love, and with completely no regrets. I don't want to die wiping windows for skyscrapers in the city, I don't want to die shining some guy's shoes. I want to die, doing what I love, as in a job, or just a hobby in general. I also want to spend my deathbed with someone I love. I don't wish to collapse due to overworking late night hours for my job. I want to die peacefully, with no regrets and with my family.

2011/1/13

  I was sick today so I didnt post, this was to make up for it. THere are no worse feeling than being sick. I feel like someone is taking a feather and constantly tickling my throat. I feel like my nose were clogged as if the toilet was stuck with toilet paper. This feeling sucks and I hate it. I need something to make me happy right now. I missed one journal out of my three chances, So I guess I am still okay. Today was a normal day, and I didnt go to school today. It was a tough day. There are many things I would rather be doing than being sick. I would be going through my computer to clean out things, I could be doing homework. Yes I would rather do homework than being sick. I need to get some sleep. Sorry for the short entry. Goodnight!

2011/1/12

  Wow Taiwan is getting cold. I have never even been in Taiwan in the winter, but I never expected to be this cold. There are so many places I would rather be right now. I want to take a break from my life and just go on a vacation. Not long, just a couple of months. Somewhere on a beach, a beach with sand as golden as the sun. A beach with calm waves that comes and goes throwing themselves on the sand when it reaches the surface. A beach with an enormous coconut tree, so big that I could just lay in the shade when I get a little too sick of the searing sunshine. Also there must be great chefs next to the beach. Everynight, I could enjoy the well grilled salmon with bits of grinded garlic on top of it, along with a bottle of wine and the sounds of the ocean. Everyday, Ill be out worshipping the sun and at noon, I shall enjoy the very finest gourmet dinner with the most expensive and delecate bottle of wine. If I could actually have that for two whole months, that would be golden. I have to do something like this in my life before I am too old to enjoy anything. Before hair stops growing on my scalp and before my bones get fragile like a glass rod. This is life, and I will live a live like that. This is one of my very little motivation to try to be successful in life later on. This kind of lifestyle and this kind of privelege. good night

2011/1/11

  Well look at the date! It is 20"11, 1, 11" haha just a very boring observation. Today was full of fun, I was at school, a pretty laid back day at school. Every class just went by relatively fast due to all of it being very easy. I think my Mondays and Wednesday are harder because just the courses throughout the whole day is just more tough with teachers that are slightly more strict. I think sometimes the more strict or the tougher the course is, will eventually crank out all of the student's ability rather in some classes for kids to slack off in. For example, I try hard in Mr. Dahl's class and I am not writing this to suck up or anything, but I think his class and him as a teacher is what the school should be looking for and should be hiring. We lost many good teachers in the past, Ms.Tsai, Mr. Vassilakis, Mr. Potter, and now I think Mr. Dahl is the only hard working and worth listening to teacher in the school. I think sometimes if all of the classes were like this, it would be so much easier to learn and to study. I always try not to fall asleep in Geometry or Chemistry, but in Mr.Dahl's I never have to try. Bottom line, He is an absolute great teacher who devotes himself into his job and asks for nothing but your success in return.

2011/1/10

  There are so many things i wish I could be doing right now. I wish I could be sleeping, that's number one, I wish i could be resting, that's number two, and I wish I could have my eye lids shut on a bed resting. You get my point. I am tired and I have a Chemistry exam soon, and I clearly don't get any of this. Sometimes I think, why do I need this credit when I won't be a chemists, biologists or a physician? I mean I won't remember this stuff after I leave high school chemistry, or biology, So why make it such a big deal that we all have to take this course and suffer? I hate this, I genuinely regret taking chemistry. I mean atleast Biology is understandable, has less equations and things to remember. I mean literature related classes are much easier for me even if my English is not perfect. In a language, there are no formulas, in a language, there are no hard analogies that you have to understand. In a language, all you need is to know some vocabulary and some grammar. That is basically what you need to do. I think sometimes it doesn't really matter if I know much vocabularies either because I can speak with the words I know. But the SATs just has to make it so much more difficult for me. Goodnight 

2011/1/9

   Well well well. This post will be the first to pass the amount of posts of my other blog. Today is a Sunday, the blog's first day of the week. After thirty posts, thirty days, countless ideas, I actually feel like this blog makes me more organized. By organized I mean by remembering things more often, I guess its time to finally be more responsible like what I have always should have done. Well today, I went on a mountain with my family to a temple to pray for my sister to have her eyes healed. Its been a long time, but I still think it will get healed. The rest of the day i spent it on youtube videos and some prettty goood foood. Haha, Just normal night market things I guess. I am getting sick though, I am getting a headache every now and then, and my throat hurts alot. I am sick so I can't really use the computer alot. Sorry. goodnight

2011/1/6

  I finally can sleep at 1 today. Haha that is a record in the last two weeks yes. Today I went to get Derek some gifts for his birthday and then Bill and I then tricked him into thinking that we are going to do something bad to him. He is falling for our trick every little bit. Haha, I cant wait for the shocked face when tomorrow he sees the Gundam figure we got him. That actually costed quite some money, around 2500 nt. For a little plastic figure, haha yes i know its not worth it, but i guess thats just what Derek likes. Today we also played ping pong after school. Wow my life is getting boring, as in, more boring than it used to be. Wow this is not good haha, I need something that will spice up my life. Goodnight, its late and im tied. 

2011/1/5

  Well today school was boring. I slept at four yesterday resulting me being super sleepy during all the classes. I hope no teachers saw that, but i kept on closing my eyes every thirty seconds. I am about to do the same thing tonight. Why do i have to do that.... I hate staying up this late for homework and it is super tiring....Today I read a pretty good story in the holt reader and it was called the Moustache. It was one of the most well written plot i have ever read in my life. Or maybe i just like the plot alot i guess. People would think it is very plain and boring because that kind of plot is all over books. I still cannot believe that break is over, I was hoping it would be a bit longer like three four weeks. That would be nice. Its 4:05 im going to bed.

2011/1/4

    Today was a regular day. Nothing really happened with school. I got this song by Nujabes called luv sic part 5. That is a goooood song. I think sometimes why are we working so hard on our homework when the teacher cant even see you put effort into it. Many teachers think i dont put effort into my work, but honestly i do. I guess i just cant work as well as those people that has perfect work and perfect scores on tests. Spanish test is happening right tomorow about 12 hours later. Wow no its sooo late. I am sorry i have to go to sleep, it is almost three right now. Ill try to write more on my other journal entries. Goodnight.

2011/1/3

   Well what a day. First day of school was more boring than ever. I could not believe that break has past and we have to finish SOOOO MUCH work for the the up coming Tuesday. I have Chemistry and Geometry homework which I piled up and plan on to procrastinate last minute which is today. Well serves me right I guess. Today, I got meat sauce all over my jeans. yay. I had to rush into the bathroom and soak my jeans into a hot bucket of water so the oil won't stain. There are completely no fun or interesting events to talk about today. Today in Mr. Dahl's English class, we watched two clips of TED talks. I think all those TED talks are super interesting considering how creative their ideas are and how much it could change the world. I saw one that was promoting green schools, which meant completely man made building out of natural resources. That is cool. I Have to go to my Geometry and Chemistry homework now. Bye

2011/1/2 Welcome Back!

   First off, Happy 2011. Let all wishes come true for you and I wish you to have a great year. Hmmm...I'm guessing everyone's blog will be about their break and what they did and things like that. Well I'm going to be a rebel and not do the same. Instead of talking about anything Christmas related, New years related, or Break related, I will be talking about 2012. What a weird topic you might think, and yes it is indeed a weird topic. Will we die when 2012 comes? Will the world really end? Will there be a polar shift? What will happen? To me, I think nothing. When that day comes, December Twenty Third of 2012, I shall stay up all night observing the world. If it does end, oh well I guess, I guess those Mayans were right after all. I think there are flaws in that rumor. Things like, which side of the world would end first? What will the other side of the world be doing while the other half is getting destroyed and slaughtered by explosions created by our mother Earth. See, I just thought of a huge mistake in that rumor. I don't really think that is real, but I just seriously hate hearing all the "its going to end! Oh no!" and all the people spreading it. Just like when the world turned 2000, did it end like the rumor said it would? NO. Those are just ways people make money with their new hit movies. I'm tired. Goodnight. Merry Christmas to you and a Happy new year.